The time has finally come to point my buggy east, away from the beautiful suburban town of Troutdale, Oregon, a town virtually trout-free, to my darling Walnut Grove, where nary a walnut tree grows. My time here in Oregon, sheltering in place with a very good friend, has been positive, productive and precious. Positive because we kept our eyes out of the news. Productive because we took time away from spending money on things we don’t need, instead spending time on all the little burdensome tasks which pile up while you are out shopping. And precious because even without our eyes on the news we were fully aware that there was a deadly pandemic sweeping the world and we remained healthy, happy to be alive and well fed by our own home cookin’ with the Kardashian-sized butt to prove it. Appreciation of the precious gift of good health and the profound home improvements resulting from the productive activities have left a stamp on the positive face of this pandemic. Well, not so much a stamp on the face but a tattoo on the butt that reads: “Kiss my ass COVID-19”.
Ya know what, there is quite a bit of newly acquired real estate back there, so why not add a few words. How about this: “When in the course of human events it becomes necessary to stay home and stay safe, to respect the rights of others as one’s own, and accept that at times our rulers too, must be ruled; by the maximusness of this gluteus, and the wide-reaching influence thereof, I do ordain and establish that COVID-19 may kiss my ass.”